You want to know something I don’t understand? Something I CAN’T understand? Birth parents that choose not to see their children, even though the adoptive family would LOVE for them to come and visit.
Let me back up a little.
Today, I was supposed to go hang out with M, S, J, and Robbie. We were all going to go to a corn maze and carve pumpkins and such. All four birth parents had been invited. I knew neither birth father would be able to attend, as they are both currently living out of state. However, MK (J’s birth mom) and I had both agreed to come. I was pretty excited! I mean, I was going to spend the day doing AWESOME stuff with the most AWESOME kid EVER! Who wouldn’t be excited? Also, it was going to be my first time meeting MK, so I was looking forward to that as well.
Anyway, I got a call from M this morning. Turns out, Robbie is sick, and therefore won’t be able to go out anywhere. They offered to still let me come up and hang out with him at the house, but I knew with him not feeling well, he wouldn’t want anyone to hold him but M or S, and that would just suck. So I opted to reschedule for later this week, and then went out for Starbucks and chocolate ice cream to help me not feel so sad (lol).
A few hours later, M calls me again. Apparently, MK never showed up.
Now, I know adoption is difficult. I know people handle difficult things in different ways. I know for some birth parents, seeing their child is just “too hard” for them.
You know what I say to that?
SUCK. IT. UP.
That’s right buddy. Suck that shiz up, stop being a whiney pansy, and go see your child. This isn’t about you. This is about THEM. I don’t care how hard it is. And trust me, I know it’s hard. I know it sucks to be there with your child screaming his head off and you can’t comfort him because you aren’t his mommy. But you know what? No matter how hard it is, I will ALWAYS be a part of Robbie’s life. It’s the LEAST I can do. I could NEVER imagine intentionally disappointing him by not showing up for a visit. I hope and pray that I never disappoint him.
There are so many amazing birth parents out there that can’t see their child due to closed adoptions and insecure adoptive parents. Not seeing your birth child when you are offered the opportunity is like spitting in the faces of those who can not see their child. Not to mention what you are doing to your birth child. You know how they say adoptees deal with feelings of rejection, feelings of worthlessness and not being wanted? By choosing to not have a relationship with them, you are just reinforcing those feelings. Not to mention you are reinforcing the stereotypes we all have to deal with.
I really do try not to judge people, but this is something I just can not accept. If this offends you, then I guess you can go read some one else’s blog. I promise it won’t hurt my feelings.