Sunday, December 5, 2010

I want to say I am sorry I haven't been blogging very much recently. I probably wont start posting regularly again until early next year. I have a lot going on at the moment, so along with not having much time, I just don't feel up to posting. Sorry!

The other day as I was on my way to lunch with a very dear friend of mine and her husband, my aunt called me with some very exciting news. 
"You're going to have a new cousin next year!" She exclaimed over the phone. 
"Oh my gosh, you're PREGNANT?!" 
"Wait. Who's pregnant?"
"Nobody is pregnant."
"...Oh my gosh. You're adopting?"

I was (and am) very excited for her and her entire family. They will be adopting a 3 year old boy from Uganda next year, and they've decided to name him Matthew (their other three kids all have M names as well). My aunt knows nothing about Robbie or my involvement with adoption, though I have been seriously considering sharing it with her now that I know they are adopting. I figure she might grow suspicious when I start sending her a bunch of blogs, articles, and different resources on trans-racial adoptions. Anyway, today she announced it to everyone else over Facebook. Of course, they have received positive feedback from everyone, including this comment

Sherri "Wow thats great. He will be so happy with ya'll. Thats great that you are being such a blessing to this young man:)"

Now, those of you that know me know that it just burns me up when people assume that adoptive parents are saints and saviors to the children they adopt. I just can't stand it. This isn't to say that I don't think adoptive parents can be great people, I just hate the whole savior mentality that some people get. So of course, I had to leave my own comment.

I'm so happy for you all! Matthew will be such a blessing to YOU and the whole family.
Hopefully everyone will remember that HE is the blessing, not the other way around. We don't need anyone to adopt the "savior" mentality, lol! I can't wait to visit you all and meet him!"

Do you all think my comment was too bitchy or snarky? I really tried to make it as light hearted as possible and still get my message across. I don't want to offend anyone, but in my opinion, Sherri's comment was a bit offensive, as well as ignorant. Hopefully my aunt wont be offended, though I am sure she will agree with me. And hopefully she will be receptive to receiving different resources on trans-racial adoptions. Speaking of... If you all know of any great blogs, books, articles, websites, etc.that deal with trans-racial adoption, please send them my way! Thanks!


A Life Being Lived said...

I don't think your comment comes across as mean-spirited or snarky. We have to move away from the idea that adopted children are somewhat more in need of "saving"...the child and his/her joining the family is a positive thing for everyone. It puts the child in a weird spot if everyone harks the adoptive parents as saints, saviors, etc. Almost like the child should be ashamed of his biological origins, whatever they may be. Like it or not, that child does have a genetic and biological and cultural history that shouldn't be dismissed when adopted. On another note it may be a good opportunity to share the adoption experience with her (if you are up to it). I bet she would be thrilled and honored to talk to you about it.

Meadowlark said...

I'm an adoptive parent and I don't think your comment was snarky. It was obviously pointing out the error of the previous comment but in a reasonably diplomatic and respectful way. I must move in different circles because no one has ever said anything like that Sherri comment to me. The people I encounter in the world tend to remark on how grateful I must be to have a chance to be a parent, if I can't do it the old-fashioned way, not to mention how grateful I must be to have such a wonderful daughter, who potty-trained herself voluntarily before all the other children around here. :) My instinctual response has always been that they are right. I am grateful, and although my daughter belongs to a category of "hard to place" children, so that there was a chance she would have had to wait a few more months for a family, if we hadn't showed up, it is unlikely she would have stayed in the orphanage long-term. No saviors here, just people trying to live without harming others. Just please don't misjudge adoptive parents because some people on the outside are clueless.

mamamargie said...

I'm also an adoptive mom and really hate the savior complex that is sometimes pinned on me. I really recoil at that title. Adoption is a very humbling experience. I'm sure your aunt will find that out. I find it's the ones who have never adopted who make comments like that - cuz us adoptive parents KNOW we are NOT saviors. We struggle as hard as anybody. Glad you said what you did. And, yeah, I'd take this opportunity to share your experience with her.


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