As I’ve said before, I cherish the few weeks I got to parent William. I am so, SO thankful I had that special time with him. It was so nice to be referred to as his mommy, to actually BE his mommy. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!
The first time my mom saw William after I signed the papers and sent him home with H and K, she handed him to me after holding him and said, “Time to go see Ashleigh!” Ashleigh. Not mommy. I knew I wasn’t mommy anymore, but to hear my mom refer to me as just Ashleigh when only a few days before I had been “mommy”…. Well, I guess it really made things real for me, and it really sucked. It was like someone turning a knife in my chest. A month later, it still hurts every time she refers to me as “Ashleigh” around William. But for some reason, it only hurts when she says it and not when other people say it (on a side note; H will sometimes call me “Mama Ashleigh” when talking to William. The jury is still out on how I feel about this, but I think that I like it- lol).
William used to follow the sound of my voice. It didn’t matter where I went; he would always turn his head towards me (causing my mom to say quite a few times, “He knows who his mommy is!”). Now, he follows H’s voice. She’ll talk to him, and he turns his head towards her. It makes me sad at times to see just how much he has already bonded with H, as though our time together never happened. But at the same time, I absolutely love seeing H & William together. I love being able to see just how much she loves and cherishes him. It does my heart good to know he is so loved by so many.