Back when my mother first found out I was pregnant with William (only a few weeks before he was born), she forbid me from telling my younger sister for fear that she would tell everyone else. I did not agree with this, but I went along with it anyway. I absolutely hated that she did not know. I hate that she missed out on the day he was born, the few weeks that I parented him, and the visits since. It’s been eating at me the entire time.
The other day, I took her with me to see Robbie and his family. It’s about an hour long drive, and since it was just the two of us, I decided to tell her. I told her everything; the surprise pregnancy, the drama with R and his family, that I placed with H & K, and how I had been able to parent him for a little while. She took it pretty well, but she did something that completely surprised me.
Through her tears she told me, “I’ve never said anything about this before because I just feel so selfish saying it, but it hurts me too. I just feel so badly, because these are my nephews, and I’m not even a part of their life. I am supposed to be their aunt, and I never see them. And even worse, I feel like it’s not even my place (to be involved).”
Hearing her say this was like a knife to the heart. I know that the adoptions have affected everyone in my family (well, those who know about them). I know that everyone has had to deal with the loss. It’s just that no one has ever admitted it to me until now….
Of course, I felt horrible. I apologized to her for not involving her sooner with William, and that she could see him as often as she liked and that she would be his “Aunt C”, if that’s what she would like to be called. I also apologized for letting so much time go by without her seeing Robbie (it’s been several months). You get so busy and you always think, “Oh I can set something up for my family next month.” And before you know it six months has passed and you still haven’t done it. And most importantly, I told her that it IS her place to be involved in their lives, and from now on I (and my baby mamas) wanted her to be completely involved.
We had a wonderful visit with Robbie and his family, and when we got home that night she and I sat down together and went through every single picture I have of William (hundreds of them!), and I told her everything about him; from his slight heart murmur (and how he should grow out of it in the next six months) to how he has been holding up his head on his own from day 1. She is so excited to meet him and his family! She has been so supportive about all of this, and I am so grateful to her for being there for me when I need her to be. Sure, we might not always get along. Some times we argue, some times we throw punches (literally), but I know she always has my back. So here’s to my awesome little sister- Thank you for always being there and supporting me, and I promise to always include you in the lives of my boys from this day forward. I love you!