Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Debbie Downer

The agency I used to place William has a picnic every year. It’s open to all members of the triad. I love that they include everyone! Catholic Charities used to do a yearly get together of sorts, and while birth parents we allowed to come, we weren’t actually invited. We only knew about it because of our child’s adoptive parents. Anyway, this picnic is something I have really been looking forward to! Not only was it going to be fun to hang out with William and his family, I was going to be able to meet a few of my birth mom friends face-to-face, and of course I was excited about meeting even more birth parents and networking a bit. Originally, H and I were going to attend a mini adoption conference in the morning and then attend the picnic with everyone in the afternoon. I have just now found out that H and K will be taking the boys out of town that weekend to do something for AW’s birthday instead. Everything is already booked. I guess it’s a good thing I hadn’t bought my ticket to the conference yet…
Honestly, I’m quite upset. I have been looking forward to this weekend quite a bit, and I was even more excited when I found out a new birth mom friend of mine would be attending with her birth child’s family. I know it’s just a stupid picnic, it’s not like this was going to be my only time to see William and his family- I get to see him just about every week- and I know I can make plans to meet up with my first mom friends some other time, but I guess I was just really excited about this. I guess I could still go to the picnic, but I really don’t want to go by myself. I don’t want to be some random birth mom sitting off by myself, and I don’t want to intrude on anyone else’s time with their families. It would be awkward to go by myself. So I probably won’t go.
I feel like a spoiled child who is sulking because she hasn’t gotten her way, but no matter what I do I just can’t lift myself out of this funky mood I am now in. Anything I do with my boys and their families is very important to me. They basically out rank everything and everyone else. I do not cancel on them unless I absolutely have to. I do everything in my power make sure I am available when I say I will be available.
I guess part of the reason I get so upset, even depressed, whenever a get together is canceled is because it feels as though they do not view our get togethers with the same importance. I know it’s not true, I know our plans are important to all of them, but it seems as though it’s so much easier for them to cancel something. I guess I am much more emotionally invested then they are. It’s not a big deal to them because we’ll just get together another time or go to the picnic another year. But a cancellation is devastating to me. Every time it happens, I’m in a bad mood all day, sometimes quite a few days. I don’t feel like talking to anyone or doing anything. I just want to sulk in a room by myself and eat a bunch of stuff that’s completely horrible for me. It doesn’t help that I was supposed to see both Robbie and William this week, but due to conflicting schedules neither visit is going to work out. Ughh… I wish I could go sulk and continue to be Debbie Downer, but I have to go attend a defensive driving class instead. Note to self: Always stop completely at every stop sign. 


Heather Jean said...

Hey darlin',

OMG that is terrible! I think you should still go. If no one else then with me. Liam's mommy said she recently read your blog because she read's mine and saw your comments. She is also the one who suggested I ask our counselor to match us up. Is you want, and please don't feel pressured, you should totally go with me. You wouldn't be imposing on us in any way whatsoever. We birth moms are a community of our own and we have to stick together. I will be bringing my son Bailey as well! Also I completely understand why this is so upsetting. Sure you can meet up with them later and sure you can meet up with us, birth moms, later but this is the one time a year when we get to all be in the same place. To show off our babies and our families to one another. So anyhow, if you do want to go, again, I would LOVE for you to go with me. :D

birthmothertalks said...

Awww I would be upset too.

Not Just A Birth Mom said...

@Heather- You are just so awesome! I don't think I can say that enough :) Maybe I'll come after all.

@BMT- I know :( I am so disappointed. But I know they didn't mean to do it and hopefully we can all attend the next picnic

mamamargie said...

Hugs from me to you! I understand your disappointment, but I do encourage you to go anyway. There might just be a hidden blessing there for you! :)


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