Thursday, July 8, 2010

Supra Ventricular Tachycardia

Try saying that five times fast.

I mentioned in the post I wrote about the day Robbie was born, that I have a heart condition (which is why we did a c-section). Well, I actually have two heart conditions. The first I was born with, and it’s called Supra Ventricular Tachycardia. We’ll just call it SVT. It’s an arrhythmia, and it causes my heart rate to become elevated when I get scared, have too much caffeine, too much excitement, or for just no reason at all. I had a radio frequency ablation for it when I was about seven. Basically, they stick some wires in your legs and they use those wires to go up to your heart and they shock it a few times. It’s kinda cool because they control the wires like a remote controlled car. Any way, they told us it would solve the problem for now but I would more than likely have to have it done again once I was an adult. So a couple years ago when my heart started acting up again, I figured “Hey no problem! I’ll just get the surgery again and go on to live a happy, care free life!” right? Wrong.  I went to a cardiologist last year while I was pregnant with Robbie just to check over things, make sure everything was OK, and see if I could handle labor. They put me on yet another heart monitor (those darn sticky pads always eat my skin up, even the “hypoallergenic” ones), and after a few weeks it was decided that it wasn’t my SVT that was acting up. I had developed Sinus Tachycardia. It’s basically the same thing as SVT, except it’s more activity induced IE; walking up stairs or a hill, running, lifting heavy things, and so on. They sent me to a specialist on ST, who told me that I could either continue working out to try and build a resistance to it, or I could take a lot of drugs that might help it. Basically, this wasn’t something that could be “fixed”. There was no surgery for this. I opted to try and build a resistance to it. For the last year I’ve tried to remain as active as possible. I always take the stairs, I even run up them most days even though I feel like I’m going to die doing it. I walk, I run around with my dog, etc. Nothing has changed. It’s just gotten worse. I'm worried. Some days, I feel like my heart is just giving up. Like it’s struggling to beat. It really makes me worry. What if it shortens my life? What if I’m not here to answer Robbie’s questions when he is older? What if my heart makes it impossible to have another child? It’s part of why I keep a journal, and this blog. If something happens to me, I want him to be able read my/our story, in my words. Even still, I feel like it’s not enough.

Eh, perhaps I’ll try the meds :-/

Open Adoption Roundtable #17

Open Adoption Roundtable #17

Are there any things that you don’t want the other members of your triad to know—or that you don’t want to know about them? I’ve heard first mothers talk about not sharing their birth stories with adoptive parents because those are for the adoptees and for themselves only. I've also heard of adoptees concealing their reunions from adoptive parents so as not to cause them pain. What don’t you want shared in your adoptive relationships?

Honestly, I can’t say that there is too much I don’t want M (or S, I suppose) to know. I have told her about my blog, and she even knows the name of it. However, I have not yet given her the address to it. That being said, I just sent a Facebook message to several people inviting them to join the adoption awareness group, M being one of those people. So if she really wanted to she could find my blog by seeing my name, Not Just A Birth Mom, on the member list and clicking the link to my site from there. So who knows, maybe she will be reading this by the end of tonight! And though I may not be completely ready for her to read it, I am ok with it if she does.

Now if S were to read this blog? I don’t know how I feel about that. Why the difference? I’m not sure. I don’t have much of a relationship with S, neither does R for that matter. He was present for the first few visits we had with them, but after Halloween he was no longer present for any of them (save for the one in early April when we all sat down together to re-evaluate our adoption agreement, and again at Robbie’s birthday party). Now, he does work odd hours, and is on call quite often. So I know it is not really his fault if he is not there. However, there are times where R and I will wonder just how comfortable with the situation he is. There have been quite a few times both of us have gotten the vibe that he really didn’t want to be there, and didn’t want to have much of anything to do with us. At first I worried a lot about how this might affect his parenting of Robbie (and J as well, for that matter). I worried that maybe he was resentful of having to adopt, having us around, and maybe that resentment would lead to him not having a good relationship with them. Luckily though, I have seen personally that he has a great relationship with them (they adore him), and it’s obvious how much he loves them.
So I suppose what I’m saying is I am not comfortable asking what his opinion about us and the whole situation is (because honestly, I’m scared of the answer).
Also, to be fair, S does not have the same out going personality as M and is much more withdrawn (Though he was very friendly at Robbie’s party, so maybe that’s a good sign!). So perhaps that also has something to do with it, and perhaps R and I are exaggerating things and reading too much into the little things. It’s hard to not be super sensitive to these things as a birth parent.

Other than that, I don’t try to hide anything from them. There are times I may hold my tongue when I disagree with one of their parenting choices, but that’s because I trust M and S and I know that they ARE the parents and it’s their decision to do whatever they decide to do. Also, I don’t talk to M in detail about any breakdown I might have. She knows about my depression diagnosis, and she knows I have had a few very hard times. I do not feel like I should burden her with these things though. I don’t want to cause her any guilt or discomfort. However, M can ask me whatever she wants, and I will always answer her to the best of my ability. I feel like without complete honesty, we can’t build a lasting relationship. So I promise to always be honest with her, and I hope she will always be honest with me, which I am confident she will be.

Adoption Awareness

Lets make others aware of adoption throughout the whole year, and not just in November! People need to know that adoption isn't all rainbows and butterflies, that birth parents aren't horrible people, and that adoptees have RIGHTS! If you care at all about adoption reform, then join this group and tell your friends about it (you do not have to be a blogger to join). You never know what you might be able to contribute.

Thanks Kelsey, for creating this group! And thanks Karine for helping spread the word! It's something I should have done sooner.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Built Ford Tough

So the other day, I picked up one of my best friends Brittany (we have been bff’s for almost nine years now!) so she could spend the night with me and go to an awesome sale in the morning.
Well, if you’ve ever been to Atlanta, you know traffic is horrible and the drivers are crazy. You know that I-285, I-75, and I-85 are all going to be backed up like crazy during rush hour. Unfortunately, we had no choice but to choose one of these interstates to get home.
We chose I-285 and drudged through the traffic. It was typical stop and go traffic, when some one ahead of us slammed on their brakes causing a domino affect of brake-slamming. I came to a complete stop with no problem, plenty of room between my car and the car ahead of us. We then looked in the rear view mirror to see a pick up truck coming right for us. I could tell by his face he was trying to stop, and for a second I thought, “Maybe he will just come close to hitting us, but won’t actually do it” and then I felt the big thud of his car slamming into mine. I put on my hazards, and got out to inspect the damage (we were in the far left lane). I told Brittany to stay seated with her seat belt on and DO NOT GET OUT! Once I got out, I saw that this wasn’t just a two car accident; it was a FOUR car accident!
I made sure everyone was OK (I’m first aid certified, so yeah..), which they were. Then I noticed that the trucks bumper was pretty bent up.

“Oh gosh, if that’s what his bumper looks like, what does mine look like?!” I thought. Well, it looks like this.

One little scratch. My little Ford sedan was smashed by a GMC pick up truck, and all it got was a scratch. Well, that’s what I call “Built Ford Tough”! Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the other vehicles…

The Lexus was completely totaled. They had to tow his car away, bless his heart.
 The Chevy was pretty scratched up on both ends, but was definitely drivable.
 The GMC Sierra had both of his bumpers messed up, but was also drivable. My car didn’t even look like it had been in an accident lol.

The last two cars were cited for following too closely, the truck guy and I didn’t get anything.

Brittany and I were on cloud 9! We just couldn’t believe we had been in an accident and 1. Everyone was ok, 2. Our car has basically no damage, and 3. We weren’t at fault for anything! It could have been so much worse. People could have been hurt, all the cars could have been totaled, we could have been at fault, etc. I can really say God was watching out for us!
I feel sorry for the lady driving the Chevy though. She got cited for two accidents (her and the lexus, and then her, the truck, and myself). I really feel the lexus was the main cause of the accident. We only felt one hit against our car. So I believe the Lexus hit the Chevy and because he was obviously going so fast (look at that damage!) he slammed her into the truck who got pushed into us. I believe I was the only person at a complete stop, and everyone (but the Lexus) was in the process of slowing down. It also explains why my car has no damage and why we didn’t feel the impact of the other cars hitting us.

Anyway, after we were given our case numbers and such, Brittany and I met up with my mom’s boyfriend at the mall to eat (and because he wanted to make sure everything was OK). I hadn’t felt any pain, but once we were ordering our food I realized my back hurt a bit and my hip was killing me! The whole hip thing really made me laugh. I mean how the heck did my hip get hurt?! Well I guess my little sis is right, I’m an “old kid” lol.

The next morning we got up early and headed to Plato’s Closet for their bag sale. Basically, you get one of their shopping bags and you stuff as many clothes in it as you can and it’s only $20 bucks a bag. Needless to say, the place was packed! We made out like bandits though; with almost $300 worth of stuff for only $40 (we got two bags). M told me I was officially the “Deal Queen”. I got about 19 pairs of jeans (being an Army brat really comes in handy when you have to roll clothes up very tightly), maybe 9 for my self, and then a few for my mother and my sister. I also got this fantastic dress! It’s pretty much the perfect little black dress, and I can’t wait to wear it!

After stashing our goods at the house, we headed down town for the Peachtree Road Race expo (I’m a non-runner in a family of runners). We loaded up on free samples of juice, cereal, pens, granola bars, chocolate, tons of awesome coupons, etc. As my friend Lovell always says, it must be the Jewish part of me that loves free stuff!

Over all we had a great time :) I love my friends. And I LOVE my Ford!


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