Thursday, October 28, 2010

Fiercely Loyal, Truly Blessed

Anybody who knows me knows I am fiercely loyal to the people I love and care about. I will defend friends and family faster then I would myself. From verbally defending them in an argument, to physically defending them in a full out fight-You wanna mess with them? You’ve gotta go through me first (I might look small, but I am feisty!).

Early this morning, I had a weird dream. It involved having to build a really complicated cake, my job (which has nothing to do with cakes), my little sister, and M. In this dream, my little sister kept smarting off to M, and this REALLY ticked me off. Then, for whatever reason, she told M to “go to hell”. So, I beat her up (in the dream, of course!).

As I lay in bed at 4:30 this morning, going over what had happened in my dream, I realized that could actually happen. If some one I know were to ever disrespect M like that, I would go crazy on them. I realized that while I’m fiercely loyal to all the people I love, I’m 10 xs more loyal and protective of M then everyone else (save for Robbie, but do I really need to say that?). I sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out why that was. Then it came to me. My protectiveness over her is like that of a mama bear over her cubs. She’s not my cub, BUT, she has my cub. She is my baby’s mother. If something happens to her, then my son looses his mother. And while I know it’s not in my control, I have this overwhelming feeling that I can’t let anything happen to her. I will do just about anything to protect her.

The amount of love and respect I have for M is immense. She is honest, keeps her promises, is consistent, and is an excellent mother. I am truly blessed to have her as my “baby mama”

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Suck it up

You want to know something I don’t understand? Something I CAN’T understand? Birth parents that choose not to see their children, even though the adoptive family would LOVE for them to come and visit.

Let me back up a little.

Today, I was supposed to go hang out with M, S, J, and Robbie. We were all going to go to a corn maze and carve pumpkins and such. All four birth parents had been invited. I knew neither birth father would be able to attend, as they are both currently living out of state. However, MK (J’s birth mom) and I had both agreed to come. I was pretty excited! I mean, I was going to spend the day doing AWESOME stuff with the most AWESOME kid EVER! Who wouldn’t be excited? Also, it was going to be my first time meeting MK, so I was looking forward to that as well.

Anyway, I got a call from M this morning. Turns out, Robbie is sick, and therefore won’t be able to go out anywhere. They offered to still let me come up and hang out with him at the house, but I knew with him not feeling well, he wouldn’t want anyone to hold him but M or S, and that would just suck. So I opted to reschedule for later this week, and then went out for Starbucks and chocolate ice cream to help me not feel so sad (lol).

A few hours later, M calls me again. Apparently, MK never showed up.

Now, I know adoption is difficult. I know people handle difficult things in different ways. I know for some birth parents, seeing their child is just “too hard” for them.

You know what I say to that?


That’s right buddy. Suck that shiz up, stop being a whiney pansy, and go see your child. This isn’t about you. This is about THEM. I don’t care how hard it is. And trust me, I know it’s hard. I know it sucks to be there with your child screaming his head off and you can’t comfort him because you aren’t his mommy. But you know what? No matter how hard it is, I will ALWAYS be a part of Robbie’s life. It’s the LEAST I can do. I could NEVER imagine intentionally disappointing him by not showing up for a visit. I hope and pray that I never disappoint him.

There are so many amazing birth parents out there that can’t see their child due to closed adoptions and insecure adoptive parents. Not seeing your birth child when you are offered the opportunity is like spitting in the faces of those who can not see their child. Not to mention what you are doing to your birth child. You know how they say adoptees deal with feelings of rejection, feelings of worthlessness and not being wanted? By choosing to not have a relationship with them, you are just reinforcing those feelings. Not to mention you are reinforcing the stereotypes we all have to deal with.

I really do try not to judge people, but this is something I just can not accept. If this offends you, then I guess you can go read some one else’s blog. I promise it won’t hurt my feelings.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


I finally finished my adoption story and sent it off to Karine. You can read it here.


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